I'm Alive

Just wanted to say before I go to bed with my crazy sleep schedule, that I am honestly so thankful for life. Every day to be alive and with the people and know that God has prepared an eternal, amazing place for all of us to be together with no more suffering or pain is amazing and hopeful to think about. And this is what I want to focus on in the good times and the hard times, the times of laughter with my hubby and loved ones, and the times of extreme pain and just trying to get through each hour. No matter how much pain we go through here on earth, it will not always be like this, simply because Jesus loves us so much that he took all of our mistakes upon his shoulders so we could have that perfect "happily ever after" that we all dream of in our hearts. How awesome it is to know that those words are not just a fairy tale!

 

The suffering and pain that my hubby and I go through, although grueling, tiring, and just out-right FRUSTRATING at times? I would not choose to go back before this all happened and have it disappear. Because our love is deeper, our faith is stronger, our hope is more genuine, and our longing to be with Jesus and home where we belong is more real. Believe me: I don't like pain. In fact, I despise it. I don't like it physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. But there's something about pain that makes us realize what's really important in life. There's something about it that gets into our heart and says "hey, life's not meant to be like this. There must be something better than this!" If we choose to handle life's suffering in a positive way, we will grow deep, deep roots that cannot be uprooted when the storms of life come one after another. We will be able to appreciate the simple things of life like having a whole day without pain, enjoying a movie and laughing hysterically with our spouse or loved one, spending precious time with family, and just spending time worshiping God whether it's through music, being out in His creation, encouraging others, or filling ourselves up with His word and applying it to our daily lives.

 

I totally admit, I am not perfect at this lifestyle of constantly being thankful. I have times of worrying about our future, about our finances, if I will ever get better, if my husband will ever grow out of his crazy migraines that he's done soooooo many things to try to alleviate, and how we will survive. But I know that my God says "Cast all your cares on Him and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." (Psalm 55:22).

One book I have been reading for encouragement lately is a book by Joni Eareckson Tada (let me know if you want the title!), who is an amazing Christian woman who was paralyzed by a diving accident at the age of 14. Since then she has led many, many people to the Lord through her testimony and started her own organization for helping the disabled, as well as speaking about her hope and the wisdom she's learned through her disability all around the world. It is so encouraging. The verse she quoted while I was reading a few nights ago was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." And this is the verse I want to follow in my life right now while things are difficult. I don't want to stop praying and asking for God's healing, presence, comfort, love, and peace to be with my husband and me. I want to give him all of my honest thoughts but always knowing that I am rejoicing in His salvation and in the rewards of heaven to come. I don't ever want to get stuck in a rut of negativity. I want to give thanks for the things that I have, because I have so many blessings in my life, even on some of the worst days. God has always provided everything I need, and He will continue to provide, just like His word says! And He will do the same thing for you. Just keep trusting, keep persevering. Don't give up. Don't let your spiritual "fuel tank" go empty so that you get depressed and hopeless about life. And encourage others like me to stay on the path of thanksgiving and hopefulness!

 

Oh, and Happy Belated Easter! We weren't able to celebrate Easter this year with family because we were both really sick, which was hard, but we certainly celebrated in our hearts. So I'll leave you with a couple pictures of some eggs we dyed... last year! lol.  :-)

hiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee

Thought I'd say hi since I haven't really been in the blog world lately. I don't have a lot of energy at all, but God is good and I am so thankful to have my loving hubby and family, a roof over our heads, and all of our needs met daily! That being said, we would love any prayer we can get for my husband's chronic, almost daily migraines, and my issues with Crohn's (and all that goes with it), my back problems, and my sleeping/fatigue problems. We're having an especially difficult time finding and treating Alex's migraines. They seem to stem from his neck pains and he always gets them after sleeping, in the early morning. We've literally tried everything we know, but we know that God has all the answers and we're asking Him to give us wisdom and guidance in our health issues, and also in our finances. There is so much to write about, but so little motivation, lol.

On another note, if you haven't seen this already (which I'm sure most of you have), please watch this video. I care deeply about the people affected by this and pray that God's justice will be poured out!

http://youtu.be/Y4MnpzG5Sqc

Here's a small survey that looked like fun to fill out. I don't really keep in contact with blog friends anymore but I hope anyone who reads this will say hi; I would love to catch up with you and your blogs when I have some more energy!

1. If you could take your family and friends with you and move anywhere in the United States, where would you move?
I haven’t been many places, but I loved San Diego so much when we went for our honeymoon (over  5 years ago now!) I love the weather and the beach. So I’d have to choose San Diego or possibly somewhere in Oahu, Hawaii.

2. If you could have any talent, what would it be?
Hmmm… a talent that I don’t have that I want… I’d like to wake up and automatically be able to play whatever instrument I want! And play the piano better too!

3. What was your AIM screen name?
SpecialGirl101… hahaha... well, that was my longest-running one.  It was from my favorite song at the time, “Girl” by O-Town; my taste in music has definitely changed!

4. Other than your wedding or the birth of a child, what event in your life would you like to relive if you were given the chance?
That’s too easy, our honeymoon! It was just so much fun and we were healthy and happy and got to do so many awesome things and just be together! J

5. What has been the biggest surprise in your life? (This doesn't have to be deep. Just a fun surprise!)
What comes to mind is the fact that I met my husband in my hometown; I always thought I’d have to go away to college to find “the one”, especially since there are sure SLIM PICKINS where I live! Little did I know he was a friend of a friend and we had probably been in the same place at the same time at least once before we actually met…. Mysterious!

6. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Well, “morning” for me is afternoon, because I have a bunch of fatigue/sleeping issues right now. When I do have energy to get ready, I have to go very slow because of no energy and it usually takes me around an hour-and-a-half.

7. What is the last book you read?
“A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty” by Joni Eareckson Tada

8. What is your favorite room in your house and why?
I would say our living room, because it has our comfy couches and our awesome flat-screen tv and my hubby and I like to watch our favorite tv shows together since we don’t have much energy most of the time.

9. If you could do it again, what is something you would change about your wedding?
Ummm I would’ve had our pastor at the time make our ceremony a little bit more personal like telling the story of how we met and our relationship, etc. and just  little things like making sure I got more pictures with my bridesmaids since a couple of them showed up with their dresses completely wrinkled and it was a disaster! Other than that it was the best day of my life and I wouldn’t change the way I felt on that day for anything in the world!

10. What is your favorite non-reality show?
Modern Family, Up All Night, White Collar, The Office, and Parks & Rec! They all tie! Oh, Grimm and Person of Interest too!

11. What is your favorite vacation spot (a place you've already been before) and why?
I love all of our family trips to Laguna Beach and SoCal at my grandparents’ house, but my favorite has to be our honeymoon in San Diego, I love that city! I also love our summer weekends at Lake Siskiyou, right at the base of Mt. Shasta, so beautiful and all of the camping fun but with a beautiful cabin to stay in at night! J

"When My Heart Finds Christmas"

I should update my blog a little more than once every 2 months, huh? I've been too tired to do anything lately! But we did have a great Christmas. It sucked all the energy I had left out of me. Nothing new to report really except that I've been wayyyyyyyy fatigued and still not able to sleep until about 7 or 8 a.m... it's so annoying! If you have some time, please pray for me to be able to get better sleep and during more "normal" hours! Also, my husband and I still need major healing from our battles with crohn's (and the medicines that give me bad side effects), kidney stones, back problems, migraines, and our finances to name the major issues. I know God hears all of our prayers and is always answering them. If you have a prayer request, I would love to pray for you too, just write me a message and/or a comment! I wanted to add that although we've gone through a lot this year, we've grown in our faith, our marriage, and God has always provided for our needs, and what a blessing that is. The fact that I have a warm home to live in, great supportive family, food on the table, and of course, a wonderful best friend as my husband, is so much to be thankful for.  On that note, let's all pray that 2012 will bring even more blessings and opportunities to be a blessing to others in our lives!


 Here are a few pictures from Christmas (I will not be in them as I have gained weight from one of my medications and have banned any picture-taking of me until further notice. I know, I know... it doesn't matter... but I'm just more comfortable NOT being in front of the camera at this time.) Some of the pictures are kinda blurry because they were taken with my phone, but better a blurry picture than no picture right? ;-)

 Our Christmas Tree :-)

Leila the Grinch and Daddy!

Christmas Tree Ornament

Our tree before we put the ornaments/candy canes on it!

Alex and his "Starfighter" Legos

My Niece Hannah with her new bear

Niece Samara with a present

Leila under the tree

Louie chillen' on my lap watching tv

Happy New Year!!!

~Melissa


iPod/MP3 Survey:
1. Put your MP3 Player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

5. You don't have to put the artist.



*Okay, so I used my hubby's iPod, 1. Because I don't have one of my own and 2. We listen to most of the same music anyway (well, our tastes are a little different but more similar than not).




1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"The Setting Sun"- Switchfoot, hmmm...

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Otherside"- Third Day

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Ron Leaves" - Harry Potter Soundtrack, haha!

4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"He Is All"-  KJ-52

5. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Six Beauties on the Rooftop"- Jazziz 2004 burned from a friend of ours, lol!


6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Armistice"- Mutemath << I didn't know that word so I looked it up: a temporary suspension of hostilities by agreement of the warring parties.

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"That Part That Hurts The Most (Is Me)"- TFK

8. WHAT IS 2+2?
"The Great Depression"- Blindside

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Far and Gone"- Day of Fire , that's not true!

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Great Is The Lord"- Starfield , true, true, He blessed me with my hubby!

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"It Can't Rain Everyday"- P.O.D.

12. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Lord, I Need You"- Chris Tomlin, Passion cd

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"We've Been At This"- The Fold

14. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Control"- Mutemath, huh? lol


15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Aunt Marge's Waltz"- Harry Potter soundtrack, haha!



16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"It's Time"- Michael Buble, I guess it was time! K Lord I don't want to die anytime soon though... or have anyone play this song... lol



17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Silent Night"- Johnny Mathis, well, I am up all night!



18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Manifesto"- The City Harmonic


19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Under the Blue Skies"- One Minute Halo


20. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow"- Herb Alpert, well, I like to look at snow but it's too cold for me so I never go out in it!



21. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"I Give You My Heart"- Hillsong, well if you take it literally then I guess that works!



22. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Crack the Code"- 311



23. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Bravery"- Ivoryline



24. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Saviour King"- Hillsong United... ok this one doesn't make any sense!



25. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Next Thing You Know"- Matthew West



26. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"The Scene and Herd"- Relient K ....???



27. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Whole World in His Hands"- Passion: How Great is Our God



28. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Hiding Place"- Starfield



29. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"When My Heart Finds Christmas"- Harry Connick, Jr.

Happy Fall

Did you all have a good Halloween? Any good/funny stories to share? Alex and I carved pumpkins this year, and it was fun! His parents dropped off an orange and a white pumpkin with all of the carving tools & templates after we had been talking about possibly doing it this year, so we had no excuse, lol. My white pumpkin happened to be very round and hard to tape the pattern onto, and hard to photograph, and my hubby's turned out A-MAZING because he's such a perfectionist and definitely took his time on it! So mine looks like a child carved it. Oh well, it was still fun! Here are some pictures:

Taking all the gunk out... my wrist hurt after!

Hubby's kitty template

 

Poking the pattern into the pumpkin

 Carving my owl (I added the stars & moon myself :-)

 All finished and glowing!

My little owl

 I know, I know... hubster did an amazing job!

 Never carved a white pumpkin before!

 Meow.

One last picture of our carved pumpkins.

So, things have been going so-so with my and my hubby's health. My jaw pain ended up subsiding after a few days and I will be looking for an oral surgeon who would be able to take payment plans since we don't have oral surgeon coverage on our dental plan apparently. :-/. Other than that, our finances are just insane right now with Alex only being able to work a day or two a week, but God has been able to provide for us so far through our parents. We are hoping that Alex will get relief with our family friend who is a great massage therapist, and he will also be going to a greatly recommended chiropractor as soon as we find the funds for him. I would love to go too but we'll have to really pray about our finances! We have cut back on almost everything possible; We eat out pretty rarely, I make most meals at home, and if we do eat out, it is something that is just as cheap as eating at home, such as taco wagon burritos but taking them home and having our own drinks & chips with it, etc. I've been making some yummy meals that I've found online, and on Pinterest! (Add me on Pinterest if you haven't yet, I love it!)

Oh, today I finally got my spinal injections done again, and I'm hoping that it will bring lots of relief again so I can start exercising without severe pain! This horrible prednisone medication has given me INSANE stretch marks all over my body, and made me gain so much weight... I can't fit into 99% of my clothes. Part of what Prednisone does is make you store almost every calorie you eat, and it stores it mainly in your face and in your belly area. Some people also get what they call a "camel hump" which is fat stored on the back of the neck; luckily I haven't had that yet... knock on wood! I have never had a weight issue before so this is brand new to me, and I am having a hard time with it.  It's quite embarrassing when people who haven't seen me in a few months say "Wow, you look different!" (with an interesting look on their face) or "I almost didn't recognize you"... oh well, hopefully I can get further down on my prednisone dosage, although these last 5 mg's I'm on have been VERY tough; every time I go down by a little tiny splinter of the pill, I have major intestinal problems by nighttime.  And it huuuuurts. If you haven't heard of prednisone or are interested in what it does to the body, you should look it up on google! Prednisone helps a lot of people who have different inflammatory conditions like asthma, crohn's disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and other autoimmune diseases, but the longer you're on it, the more bad, bad, bad side effects you get. So it's really a catch-22. Unfortunately all the other meds I'm on for crohn's disease aren't putting this active disease under control, and it's very frustrating. Please pray that I can get off of this stuff ASAP!

Well, I wanted to fill out this "Autumn Survey" I saw on another blog since I kind of enjoy filling out surveys, but I'll post it in a separate entry. Hope all of you are having a good fall so far, and don't forget to turn your clocks back on Sunday! (I didn't even know it was this Sunday until I saw it online yesterday, lol :-)

I'm back!

My surgery went excellent! Thank you all so much for your prayers. God did amazing things and took such good care of me, and so did the dr.'s, nurses, and my hubby! I am recovering well at home and the stone was easily shockwaved into dust- my dr. told my husband that it literally broke up in the first few minutes so they didn't have to keep "shockwaving" me, which meant less pain! The anesthesiologist was great and really listened to my issues and what I needed as an individual, so that was also a big help.

The only thing now is that I'm having crazy pain in my tooth/jaw area that stared a couple days ago. I thought I narrowed it down to being an issue with one tooth, but I went to the dentist and got x-rays and an examination, and I have no cavities or issues that would be causing the pain in that area. So my dentist said it could be my bottom wisdom tooth that's pushing against the other teeth now and causing pain in different places.... or that I'm clenching my jaw at night. I'm beginning to think it's the first thing. Different parts of the right side of my upper & lower jaw will start hurting terribly, and my pain meds of course do not help enough. I just took advil (even though I'm not supposed to because it can cause intestinal bleeding, and I already have crohn's disease) to see if it will help because I am desperate! Like I keep telling people, if it's not one thing, it's another! I hate it. But I will trust God to help this resolve somehow!

Again, I am soooo thankful how everything went yesterday. I just really wish I wasn't wasting my pain meds on trying to get this stupid mouth pain better. When people like my nurses always say "wow, you are way too young to have so many health problems going on!" I always say that I'm hoping to be like Benjamin Button but with my health, only getting better with age! That would be cool, haha. I can picture my husband and I on some vacation on a tropical island when we're like 80 enjoying the time of our lives and looking back on all the illnesses we had and how much better we're doing even though we're old geezers. Hey, I can hope, can't I?! ;-)

Surgery today

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've written anything! My health has not been good. The prednisone gives me crazy insomnia (so you think I'd have time to post a blog, right?) but I get so tired from not being able to sleep that I get into this half-asleep sort of daze and can't get anything done. I've also gained too much weight from pregnancy-like cravings from the medicine, and my face has swollen slightly due to what they call "moon face" from the drug... it reaaaaally doesn't help the moodiness to look in the mirror and see myself overweight. I have been slim all of my life so I am not used to it, and I feel so unhealthy, but hopefully I will be off of the medicine in a month or two as I taper down, and I can start walking again and eat less.

Today at around 12 noon I will be arriving at the hospital to get my largest kidney stone busted up into tiny pieces so it will be easier to pass. The surgery is called Shockwave Lithotripsy. My dr. is NOT going to place a stent this time, and I am praying and trusting in God that I will not wake up in any kind of major pain that can't be controlled. If you read this, please pray that the procedure goes perfectly, that my pain is controlled, that all the dr.'s and nurses do their jobs correctly and compassionately, and that I can go home on the same day, as scheduled and not have to stay in the hospital due to any complications or pain issues! I am so thankful for everyone and anyone who can send up a prayer for me. Although this past month has been one of the hardest for my husband and I healthwise, financially, physically, and mentally, we trust that God will bring us out of these hardships and that he has "plans to prosper and not to harm us, to give us hope and a future" (scripture from Isaiah).

I hope to be visiting your blogs soon and saying hello as I have met some really neat people through here. I better get some sleep, as it is 3:30 a.m. and I need to wake up at 10 at the latest! Bye for now!

~Melissa

Long Time, no speak

Wow have I been through a whirlwind since I last wrote 2 weeks ago. I ended up in the hospital getting surgery to remove one of my kidney stones. It turned into a huge disaster similar to what happened when I had a stone removed 2 years ago. My body couldn't tolerate the stent that was placed in the ureter (between the kidney and the bladder) to make sure that there was no swelling after surgery, and I woke up in the most EXTREME pain I have ever been in. Long story short, my urologist ended up pulling out the stent and the catheter while I was wide awake, and I was screaming and crying for over 4 hours without any relief as they maxed out all different kinds of IV meds and made sure I didn't stop breathing.  I spent the night in the ICU that night because of how much they had to give me. I also wasn't able to see my husband for 5 days- almost no communication at all- because he ended up getting the worst stomach flu he's ever had in his life, probably from taking me to the ER that first night (a nurse told me it had been going around). It was horrible not having my best friend, my partner in life, there with me like he had been the last time I was in the hospital. But I know it wasn't his fault. Luckily my parents were there by my side most of the time and a HUGE support, and I had many family members, friends, and church members praying for me & visiting.

I still have two stones (one in each kidney) that haven't started coming down yet, so if they'll stay up there, I can get them "shockwaved" (broken into little pieces by basically beating my body to bruises) in an outpatient procedure. Unfortunately, I think one of them might be moving because I'm having more pain & irritation on the left side of me and in my bladder now. But I just have to take this hour by hour, day by day.

In this post, I'm not going to go into the details of my hospital stay, or the issue of my urologist leaving for vacation that weekend and therefore leaving me with an incompetent, horrible hospitalist dr. (because there were NO OTHER urologists who work at this hospital!) who decided to tell other dr.'s and nurses that I was a "drug seeker" just because I have tons of health issues and have a higher tolerance for pain meds because of my back problems. Huuuuuuge story about her sometime in the future.... here's one little preview: She decided to discontinue ALL of my medications (for crohn's disease, pain, EVERYTHING I was taking at home); she apparently likes to take patients off of all of their meds and "start over" because SHE knows what's REALLY wrong with the patient... and it took my nurse over 3 hours that night to go through my chart history, find all of the meds that I was on, and get them all approved again by the new hospitalist on call that night. Do you know what happens if you stop your crohn's meds like Prednisone? You can die.

Anyway, back to the pain after surgery and the day after surgery...What happened was I had inflammation and fluid build-up in the kidney from after surgery that was causing more pain and bleeding. There are so many details and there's just not enough time to write it all here. But I needed pain meds to manage this pain and observation to make sure the other stones weren't coming down and that the inflammation wasn't causing any blockage.

 I will say that God did some amazing things, and breakthrough came. Many advocates (nurses and advisors who happened to know my dad- he is a teacher at the adventist school and the hospital is adventist, so he knows tons of people and has taught their kids- and the truth about who I really am) came to my side and defended me, and I ended up getting rid of the crazy dr. (after hearing many stories of the crazy things she's done, I hope she gets fired... we are writing a letter and one of the heads of the hospital who we know has already written her up). She was replaced by great doctor who listened, understood, and gave me what I needed to recover at the hospital. My urologist came back from vacation on Monday, and that's another story in itself also.... because I had told him about my body having horrible pain from the stent last time I had a stone removed, but things were not ready for me post-operatively like they should've been.\\

I will end with this quote:

"I find beauty in not only the beautiful things in life, but the bittersweet and sad as well. To me, there is something poignantly lovely about the human experience from its splendor to its grief. God created all our emotions, not just the happy ones, and for His good purposes. That's why a good cry can feel so good. And hitting our limits forces us to look outside ourselves for a Savior. It is in the plea, when we're at our end, that we can find that which is truly life-giving. Personally, my moments of deepest grief, deepest pain, have resulted in the most beautiful seasons in my heart. I've met God more intimately in those moments than in all the other pleasant ones combined. What isn't completely lovely about that?"

~ Leslie, http://topofthepagewithleslie.blogspot.com/